A professor of mine said in lecture, "If you don't know where you are, how do you know where you're supposed to be?"
For whatever reason, that really resonated with me. I mean. . . I know I'm in college. I know I'm graduating in 7 months. I know my aptitude for business is strong and I know that my purpose is to be a catalytic influence through God. But. . . where am I? Where is my spirit?
I honestly have no clue where I am and it came to me as a random thought-- I am wandering confidently.
This journey I'm on, to inspire, encourage, and empower, isn't about me. It's about the people I encounter, the lives I touch, and the souls I lead to Christ. God definitely speaks to me and uses me daily, but it is still my responsibility to pay attention and take heed to what He says.
Now let me tell y'all, to wander confidently doesn't mean I'm confused or lost-- ever heard that quote "not all those who wander are lost"-- rather it means that I am relinquishing control and allowing God to be God and lead me (or I'm trying to anyways).
So, when we try to control the outcomes of our lives, how does that affect our relationship with God? What does it look like, feel like when we relinquish control?
For me, trying to control the outcomes of my life end in depression, stress, and overwhelming, constant disappointment. As a first-year student at The University of Tennessee, there was always pressure being put on me to get "inVOLved", to "represent minorities well", to perform well, and I did exactly that. I joined every club and organization that seemed relevant to me and my image-- never once considering God's opinion, let alone seeking His guidance. Anyway, I was always overwhelmed with meetings, practices, homework, exams, volunteering, relationships, etc. Now, because God never left my side, I completed my first year of college with a very solid GPA and still confident that the world would continue to fall at my feet-- until Sophomore year began. I never acknowledged it or admitted it, but my depression got worse. I fell into a really dark place, my faith wavered and I quit considering Him altogether. He never left me though.
My world seemed to be crumbling, but little did I know, God was building me, strengthening me, molding me. I finally realized that my life is worth more than the status of an organization. It's worth more than an A. It's worth more than an accolade. It's worth more than any recognition or pat on the back. I realized that my life is worth dying for. Jesus died for me to fulfill a purpose and I had to be, needed to be adamant about pursuing it-- someone out there was counting on me. But even still, after all those realizations, I allowed school, organizations, relationships, and my own doubt to hinder and delay my pursuit.
I'm not really sure what clicked for me or when it clicked for me. But. . . letting God be God is the most freeing and most peaceful place you can be. Things just. . . happen and they fall into place. Here I am, writing this blog. . . doing my best to maintain obedience. I'll never understand why He chose me for this, but I am elated, humbled and honored that He did. I am wandering confidently and so very content with that. Whatever comes next for me in my next stage life, I trust that it is God's doing and He means it for my good.
But still, how do you just release? My answer is definitely easier said than done-- you just do. Wander confidently, knowing that your steps have already been ordered. Wander confidently, knowing that God has already gone before you and ordained things for you. Wander confidently, knowing that all things work for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.
Beautiful Soul Sisters, just release and wander confidently.
Happy Journey,
xoxo-- Jess